The 10 Step Guide to Living with AGP
(originally posted on Reddit at r/askAGP)
AGP IN 2020: 2021 EDITION (shameless repost - now with 100% more memes!)
I fucking suck so fucking bad.
No wonder my last girlfriend dumped me. She said it was because of the irresistible urge I have to reduce fractions. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, if I see a fraction I have to put everything else on hold until I reduce it. I can understand how that gets annoying, and looking back now, I should have known that her and I would never work. But you know what they say: hindsight is 1.
...I wonder if it had anything to do with that time she caught me putting on her makeup while wearing her panties... Things were never quite the same after that!
If that horribly shitty joke looked eerily familiar to you, that's because you're in the weird part of YouTube. (Another bad joke... geez I'm so stupid, I'm not funny, I have a broad nose and it's no wonder I have no friends) SHUT UP, IDIOT. You're in the part of Reddit where a post is a post-repost post of a post I posted one year ago... post. You are in the part of Reddit known as the Reddit-again. There is no need to be afraid; I'm here to guide you through this process and Mother is here too, watching me. Thank you, Mother. I'll draw you a bath as soon as I am done here. You see, the original post was removed by Reddit's spam filter-bots - which is no surprise - for it is well known that Reddit spam-bots tend to be ass-bots on every third Thursday. So, in honor of r/askAGP reaching 1,000 troubled and confused subscribers (and also as a way to roughly stroke my bloated and engorged ego) I have decided to post the post again - but this time with pictures - that are also reposts!!!
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Mother says my pictures are very nice. Thank you, Mother. I'm brushing Mother's hair, everybody.
The confusion. The self hatred. That horrible post-nut clarity, when you look down at yourself and see the pink bra and matching cum-soaked panties that are doing a piss-poor job containing your sticky, swollen erection. Fishnet stockings and tacky stripper heels complete the whorish monstrosity that is you - and even though you know you shouldn't - you look at yourself in the mirror and see the cheap, costume store blonde wig and horribly applied makeup which adds to your persona of being a filthy, sissy fucktoy.
That's when the guilt starts pulsating, in waves, throughout your body. The guilt and the shame that mixes you up into a perfectly blended cocktail of self-hatred on the rocks... and as you bow your head in shame you notice the oily dildo that only moments ago was your secret-lover, deep inside of you, in and out, filling you up literally - and figuratively - with pure ecstasy, causing you to unleash moans that sounded so feminine they caught you off guard and made you feel even sexier which turned you on even more in the moment, because in that moment...
...that fleeting moment. Now that moment is gone and it has been replaced with the self-loathing disgust that crushes your soul. As you rip your "I'm a brain-dead bimbo slut" costume off, as quickly as you can, and hastily shove it into your "secret chest", you slam the lid of the chest shut right on top of your thumb, which leads to ten minutes of jumping up and down while walking in circles, cycling between angrily growling "fuck that hurt!" and beta-moaning "oh holy tittle", followed by hastily shoving your "secret chest, full of dirty secrets" deep into the closet, and you actually smile as you ponder the irony of the metaphor that your chest symbolizes: how deep in the closet you actually are. For a fleeting moment you contemplate throwing it all away because you never want to do it again; but you know by now that doing so is pointless because the urges will slowly build overtime and your wardrobe will slowly build overtime - because you really don't want to purge everything again for the fifth time - this time. So you shove it all as hard and as deep as you can into your asshole - I mean your closet - into your closet. You couldn't even be bothered to wipe off your dildo, for you needed it out of your sight that fast.
Thankfully, the old drag queen at the wig shop informed you about the makeup-removing qualities of baby oil, and as you dab at your eyes with an oily paper towel, you stare at your reflection in the mirror in disgust. Look at those broad, manly shoulders. Those hairy, bulky arms leading into that stocky, brutish torso. Your Adam's apple jutting out towards your vomit-inducing double man-chin, and above that is your horrible, broad nose. A nose so flawed it is painful, filled with disdain and hopelessly shameful - so harmfully and recklessly and tastelessly distasteful, while creatively it's shaping your mentality: a reality that hurtfully assures you so assuredly it hurts too. It's compelling you. It's telling you that you are a GROSS, TALL, MUSCULAR MAN THAT WILL NEVER, EVER PASS FOR A PRETTY GIRL, YOU FUCKING LOSER. Assigned Miserable At Birth. Oh, how you wish you were a pretty girl. Oh, how happy you could be if you were a pretty girl. Oh, the fields of flowers that pretty girls get to prance around in and the sidewalks that pretty girls get to skip - not walk but skip - across! At least you have those full, luscious, pouty lips. Those lips could use some lipstick...
Cue Cheesy Late Night Infomercial
Did any of that sound familiar and at times unbearably accurate? If you answered yes then you might have something called AGP. AGP stands for Autogynephilia, which means "the attraction to the thought of oneself as a woman." Why is this happening to you? I don't know, but something fucked up probably happened to you when you were very young. So always try to remember that it's not your fault you're this way, you sick, twisted fuck. You're in good company here because we all have the AGP here and all the fucked up baggage that comes with it, too. This is a place for like minded men to get together and support each other. This is a bro-friendly zone where we understand that women's underwear simply offers better support down there and there is no reason to look into it any further than that.
"The pink pair was on sale that day. Is that lace? I hadn't noticed that until you pointed it out. No, I didn't know about the little bows either, you weirdo. I am not blushing. Get outta here before I kick your ass, bro... because I have beers to watch and sports to drink because I am a man, dammit... Not now, Mother!"
This post is a lot of fluff and hardly any substance, like a cleverly constructed and mostly grammatically correct outline of a sketch of a skeleton devoid of any meat on them dry, bleached, bone-dry bones. Feel the pain and anguish. Feel the shrinkage as it goes inside of you. If you are confused, that's good. I want you to be confused, so you will know how I feel! That's just how I roll, I guess. I'm a mysterious guy like that, the kind of dude that will take over two hours to construct that very wordy sentence you read a minute ago, even though it was completely unnecessary and pointless. So what - I don't care anyway. No, you're stupid - ya dum-dum! Am I an autistic, pansexual-furry psychopath with a severe case of ADHDOCD, who jerks off to vore and has a very questionable hobby of pulling the head off of one Barbie doll and placing it on the body of another Barbie doll?
Probably not. But I digress, here's my definitive guide to NAVIGATING AGP IN THE YEAR 2020 2021.
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#1 - PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
It's a scary world and it's not letting up. The entirety of the shit is about to hit the extinction fan. The shows almost over here on planet Earth and the final act appears to be arguing over personal pronouns and pointing fingers at each other while victimizing ourselves as we all wear surgical masks. That is very sad and not at all surprising. The story of humanity got stale many seasons ago, just like The Walking Dead. Who knows how many episodes are left before we are cancelled?
That is why it is best to stay here on r/askAGP, or as I call it: The Real World. Not the sugar-coated world of r/MTF or r/asktransgender or (shudder) r/egg_irl. These subreddits are best described with a cringeworthy newspeak word like "toxic" or "cringeworthy". You will surely become the newest initiate to the TRANS-CULT and will regurgitate the same unrealistic mantras they all spew over there, including (but not limited to):
"You are Valid"
"AGP isn't real. Besides, every woman has AGP already. UwU"
"You can be an anime girl if you pretend hard enough."
"That's not an erection. That's gender euphoria!"
"I used to think it was a fetish too, but that was before I abandoned logic and rationality."
"Something something Contrapoints; something Blair White."
"Happy Gay Sounds"
Don't fall for the trap. They will tell you that you can be anything you want to be. They will tell you that you can be yourself; that you can live as your true, authentic self - as long as you don't question anything that they say and also blindly repeat the same bullshit that they say - or you shall be banned! They will tell you that you can be happy. Yeah, right... you can't be happy. The truth is, you will probably be miserable for most of your life when you finally accept the fact that
#2 - YOU ARE NOT A WOMAN.
Sorry bro, but you can't just speak things into reality. Your genetic makeup gives you away. I know it's hard to argue with concrete logic such as "I felt like a girl because I am a girl." Honestly, I don't understand how one can achieve the mental gymnastics possible to actually believe this liberal bullshit. That being said, I've seen some really fine, passing trans women on the YouTube. There are quite a few hot ones. They can all be women - just not you - you will never make the cut.
Alright, alright... look - if you are still young, with less than an eight percent body-to-hair ratio - you might have a chance, after all. If you are twenty years old or younger and you really, really want to be a woman and you look hot and it makes you happy, then fine...
#3. - MAYBE YOU ARE A WOMAN, AFTER ALL.
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And you can get the hell out of my post right now! Ok? This isn't for you. This is for miserable, confused dudes... that are old and fat. Not for spry, youthful lads, such as yourself. Now go be a beautiful woman somewhere else, sister! You're a distraction and you contradict my hateful outlook. So, scram.
Great. Now that all the good looking young guys that will soon be great looking young gals that take great care of bulky, alpha men and are actually living out the fantasy that's been in my head since I was a child - and I long for it more everyday - are gone, we can move forward. They don't have to worry about things like being mis-gendered or everybody staring at them like they feel sorry for them; and they look like beautiful, sexy women. So what? I don't even care because I don't even want that. I think it's stupid. I'm a man, dammit. We are all men here - happy, hairy men that enjoy living very much - right, boys?
(crickets)
Ahem... moving on, then...
#4 - IF YOU ARE STILL HERE, YOU ARE NOT A WOMAN (ALSO, NO ONE THAT WAS EVER HERE AT ANY POINT IN TIME, FOR ANY REASON, IS A WOMAN)
Alright then... so, some of you might be young men who just discovered AGP and want to know what to do about it because you want to live life as a man. And while you want the life of a man - for some reason, whenever you touch your lil' pee-pee - all that goes out the window and now you want to live the life of a cock-sucking, young bimbo-slut. Confusing way to be, indeed. Hot, too. Some of you might be older men that have long known about AGP; having endured the lifelong struggle with a conflicting sexuality. You are in the right place because this is a subreddit where we come up with ways to manage AGP. Many of us share in the belief that we can live fulfilling lives as MEN with AGP. That is my personal belief. Some of you might be a moose.
AGP is not so simple for everyone, however. Some men truly long for transition but know that they can never pass. Some of us are cursed with being super masculine hunks. Tall, muscular men with a five o' clock shadow that arrives by noon. Yes - it sucks that your desires can never truly come to fruition - but do they really need to? Do you absolutely have to live as a woman, 100% of the time, to be happy? If you are convinced that you do, stop it!! Always remember that it's never as great in real life as it is inside your head... you know, in that sick, depraved fantasy world of yours.
I have a feeling that there are a lot of men with AGP who don't even attempt to try out their fantasies of feminization in real life before diving headfirst into a medical transition. Which is why I say that
#5 - REPRESSING YOUR AGP DESIRES FOR PROLONGED PERIODS OF TIME IS BAD, MMMKAY?
Ya gotta read that in Mr. Mackey's voice and OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! I can't believe I just said "periods". TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! Menstrual cramps! Severe pain... um... lots of blood... Damn, God must hate women... hmm, come to think of it they didn't let a woman write one word in the Bible.
In order to be mentally healthy we should indulge in our AGP from time to time. In my opinion, this is so necessary and I believe that it is much healthier in the long-term.
You can't ignore your AGP forever and it won't go away - it will never go away - not permanently, at least. You may find that satisfying the urge occasionally will provide you with temporary relief from the desire to be feminine. This is contrary to a belief many men have that cause them to fear their AGP. Many men think that if they indulge in their AGP, they will want to go deeper and deeper until it spirals out of control and one day they show up at the office in a pencil skirt and shoulder pads. I won't speak for everyone, of course, but I think that if you start indulging in your AGP on occasion at a young age with the desire to live your life as a man then you won't spiral out of control.
Of course, some men do indeed go overboard when they act out their AGP-fueled fantasies and it is often the men that hold it all inside and completely repress their AGP for years. Recently, there have been many older men coming out as trans. Family men who are married with children. Ordinary, masculine men who shock everyone by announcing that they are actually women. That's what will happen when over thirty years of pent up sexual frustration boils over: it tends to erupt like a volcano. These men have lived their whole lives repressing their AGP and many have not even informed their wives at all. They are completely alone, fighting a silent war, until the day when they finally surrender to the AGP.
#6 - GET SEXY, YOU BITCH. WAIT, NO... I DIDN'T TYPE THAT CORRECTLY.
Lots of posts on r/askAGP come from a place of hopeless desperation. Men don't know what to do about this and they are being driven crazy by their desire to feminize themselves. Men with AGP, that can actually acknowledge that they have AGP, tend to live in the real world where they are men and always will be men and there is no way to become a woman. This is a reality that can be very depressing. Passing is also something to take into consideration. Would you really want to transition if you knew you likely would never pass? I personally could not handle everybody pretending that I am a woman in my presence and denying that I am a woman behind my back. Well, we presently have a society full of men denying that they have AGP and demanding that the rest of society goes along with their delusions of being a woman.
The best way to avoid the fate I just described is by FEMINIZING YOURSELF in your personal life; do so as much as is necessary. Hell, if you feel the need to shave and put on a pair of heels every night when you get home from work, so be it. Why not? Most people agree that it is fine to go to town with this stuff when in the privacy of your own home. Do you really need to bring it to the world stage? How badly do you need validation from others?
Which reminds me... do you think I'm a good writer? Are you enjoying this? Am I boring you? Do you hate me? You fucking hate me, I knew it! I knew I shouldn't have done this stupid post! I'm so fucking stupid! Stupid fucking idiot! Nobody likes me, I'm fucking broccoli! I'm so stupid! Stupid! STUPID! FUCK! SHIT! FUCK! SHIT! FUCK SHIT? Simon Cowell touching Gordon Ramsey's penis! Simon Cowell touching Gordon Ramsey's penis! Simon Cowell touching Gordon Ramsey's penis! GIANT PURPLE NIPPLE DILDOOOOS!!!!
(The author barricades himself in his bedroom.)
(Crazed laughter transitions into heavy sobbing.)
I'm sorry I'm not the son you wanted, Dad. I'm sorry I couldn't live up to your expectations, Dad. I'M SORRY THAT I RUINED EVERYTHING, DAD!!!!!
(More heavy sobbing, which slowly gets softer and quieter, followed by silence.)
(Extended silence.)
#7 - THAT WAS NOTHING. I'M TOTALLY FINE.
Invest in quality makeup, wigs, clothing, accessories, breast forms or whatever it takes for you to get close enough to what you desire to be. AGP is something you must indulge in as often as is necessary to reduce the urges and carry on with your life as a man. Personally, I find that the longer that I abstain from and repress my AGP desires the more unbearable the urges become. This leads to a build up that causes me to go really hard and deep into my AGP fantasies to the point where it can be dangerous if I'm not careful. It sure does feel nice, though. That's when you find yourself explaining to little Johnny that "Daddy" is now "Mommy". That's a conversation I would like to avoid. It also helps if you make sure to
#8 - DOCUMENT YOUR FEMALE PERSONA
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Make sure to take lots of pictures and videos of yourself when you are en femme. That way, you can look back on your photos with nostalgia and use them to fend off future urges. A weeks worth of dressing can provide a years worth of relief from urges if you take lots and lots of photos and videos. Then you can obsess for hours on end over editing the photos to make you appear even prettier! You fake ass bitch. Furthermore, it is of great benefit and highly recommended that you never forget that
#9 - GOD HATES WOMEN. THAT'S WHY HE GAVE THEM PERIODS.
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Fuck! I did it again! Trigger warning! Trigger warning! Vaginal discharge! Advanced resting bitch face! Being really mean in underhanded ways! Selling used tampons online! "Holy shit Karen, did you have a sudden miscarriage in your pants just now or are you just happy to see me?"
Sorry about that everyone. I just have this thing about pressing the backspace key after midnights in March while in close proximity to the ocean during a full moon on Elvis's cats birthday; but only if I've had my pudding... and I've already had my evening pudding. Anyway, posting sexy pictures of yourself online and making men lust after you is very validating and in my opinion it is a must for living with AGP. When you have enough pictures it's almost as if you could live full-time as a woman; vicariously, through your computer screen, with the profiles you've created using social media online, that is. Between occasional self-feminization and managing your female persona online, you should successfully be able to get your AGP under control while living the great majority of your life as a dude. There's nothing quite like flirting with a man over an instant messenger app as he is jacking off to pictures of you in drag while you're at home wearing a wife beater and gym shorts, taking a dump and scratching your unshaven face. Telling some random dude online to "Fuck me harder, Daddy" and "Treat me like a filthy whore" while you are thinking to yourself "What the fuck is wrong with me?" Finally,
#10 - DON'T TAKE ADVICE FROM RANDOM PEOPLE ONLINE
Seriously?! Why would you do that? You don't know who you're talking to or what their motives are. They could be anybody... they could even be anyone. You have no way of knowing if they have any way of knowing if they actually know what they are talking about. What are their credentials? Are they qualified? What does that even mean? Gahhhhhh!!!
For all you know, you could be taking advice from some 4chan troll. You know, like that Q fellow who turned all the Boomers crazy. The point is: ya just never know, ya know? NO - you don't know - that's the point, ya know? NO - you fucking don't know. That's the point, ya know? Eh?? Good. You are learning. Wait a minute - don't listen to me - I'm a random guy online!! Don't take my advice seriously, people... I mean, just look at me. I'm fucked in the head:
Please don't tell Mother about this
Hope to see you for my next post: AGP IN 2041: THOSE WHO DIDN'T TRANSITION WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG REALLY MISSED OUT ON SOME... PRETTY COOL STUFF
and don't forget to GO FUCK YOURSELF.
-prick-
*not my original content.
