The Mandela Effect
What is the "Mandela Effect"?
 |
| Nelson Mandala |
"Residue" is a term used to describe any evidence of an ME, prior to the change (e.g. Fruit of the Loom listing the cornucopia [that never existed] in their trademark).
.png)
Notice how the logo is changed to "Squier" in the Guitar Center ad on the left, but is then spelled "Squire" in the description. HA! Don't try and tell me that it wasn't "Squire". I know myself, and I know that I would have pronounced it as "Squeer" back in high school, had it always been "Squier". Then there is always some ridiculous "fact" inserted, to support the ME. In this case, Billy Squier sued Squier guitars back in the early 1980's, for using his name. Let me get this straight: this Billy Squier guy sued a company - that was founded in the year 1890 - for having his same name. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't Squier guitars be suing Billy Buttface Squier for stealing their name?
I always thought that "Video Killed the Radio Star" and MTV were the dawn of the music video, back in the early eighties. Boy, how wrong I was! Look at the comments under this video. There is something very off-putting about those comments and this video, supposedly uploaded to YouTube eighteen years ago; y'know, to give the impression that "These things didn't just spawn into existence in 2016. That's ridiculous! This video was uploaded on YouTube back in 2006! There have always been Scopitones. Try not to question things so much." OK. Right... apparently these things never really took off in the states, and had more of a European presence. That's why you never see the Fonzie banging his fist on a Scopitone in Happy Days. These Scopitone videos make me cringe so hard it makes my face want to go backwards inside-out. Fine. I can accept that Scopitones exist. Scopitones have always existed. However, isn't it a little weird that so many of these Scopitones appear to have flat screen TVs? I thought all TV screens would have been curved back then.
This happened a couple weeks ago. I was desperately trying to change the oil in my car (my brother was going to change it, while I supervised, that is) and we were having the most difficult time in the world getting the bolt on my oil pan loose. I used to have all of the required tools for this, by the way, but for some reason, I now had none of the tools I once had to do this job. My brother just changed my oil a few months ago and he remembers that it was a 14MM bolt on the oil pan. I no longer had a 14MM wrench, but no matter, because the bolt was no longer a 14MM... for reason unknown. We decided on the 16MM, so I went to the auto parts store and purchased a 16MM socket, but instead of the standard adapter size that 16MM sockets are supposed to have, this socket had the larger sizer end, which I, of course, no longer had an adapter for. I called it quits that day, due to frustration, but things only got worse the next day, when I went to the same auto parts store to get a 16MM wrench, instead of the socket. All of the individual wrenches were $12.99, except for the 16MM wrench, which was $18.99, of course! So, we decided to go into Harbor Freight, where they sell these Pittsburgh brand wrench sets. I hope the photo above isn't too blurry. This combination wrench set has eleven standard wrenches and eleven metric wrenches. The metric wrenches were sized 9MM - 19MM, which made a whole lot of sense, but because I needed a 16MM wrench, these wrench sets changed altogether. Now they start at size 6,7,8 skip size 9, 10,11,12,13,14,15, skip size 16 (obvi),17, skip size 18,19. That's the ridiculous sie that this wrench set offers now. Someone said to me "well, that's just because 16MM is the same size as 5/8, so why put the same wrench in twice?" Good point, fuckstick - only, 5/8 isn't 16MM - 5/8 is 15.85MM. These are wrenches. Size matters, dick.
Liquified snails. No - wait - wrong conspiracy! I believe that the Mandela Effect is best explained in tandem with "simulation theory". If we are in a simulation, then the programmer of the simulation simply need to write in new code that will change the affected item, going back to the item's inception. The programmer, nor the program, are perfect, however, which is why so much residue gets left behind for some MEs. Now then, the reason that so many people claim that "it's always been Oscar Mayer durr-hurr" is because most people are NPC's; meaning, that they are part of the simulation and can easily be programmed to remember MEs always being the way that they are now. Obviously, that bitch always said "Magic mirror, on the wall", and no, I didn't see the movie 'Mirror, Mirror' and I don't believe that such a movie actually exists. File it with that Sinbad garbage, in the "never happened"drawer.
What is the cause of "The Mandela Effect"?
FALSE MEMORIES
This is the mainstream explanation for the Mandela effect. In other words: it's complete and utter bullshit. Of course, the predominant voice of the media wants to dispell any and all mysticism surrounding these strange occurrences, and seeks to instead convince the public that - as always - WE are the problem. We have all been misremembering these silly pop-culture references incorrectly, this entire time! You stupid idiot. Darth Vader has always said "Nooo! I am your father" - every single damn time - since 1980. That's correct. The single most famous movie reference of the 80's was incorrect, the entire bloody time! Yet - as is often the case with the Mandela effect - this embarrassing brain fart of the collective hivemind only came to our attention in the last ten years. Oh, well that makes perfect sense because The Internet. Yes, the internet is a virtual mind-parasite, where everyone keeps repeating the same incorrect, trivial and mind-numbing bullshit over and over again until the false memory has infected every human in every home in every America. See, because the internet is the reason we all have the false memory and the internet is the reason that nobody noticed anything until ten years ago. Prior to that time, we did not communicate enough to notice that every single person, ever, had incorrectly regurgitated the most memorable line of the biggest movie franchise of all time. Don't fucking look at me when I'm typing.
 |
| I don't watch Star Wars enough to know that this is the worst meme I have ever made in my entire life. |
SQUIRE GUITARS ARE NOW SQUIER GUITARS
.png)
Experiencing a Mandela Effect on a personal level is a bit different from the standard Mandela Effect reaction of "Oh, yeah... I remember it being Berenstein for sure, I guess..." Because I grew up playing music and I also worked in Guitar Center warehouses for years, seeing that "Squire" guitars are now "Squier" guitars was far more upsetting for me than any other ME has been. I unloaded hundreds of SQUIRE guitar starter packs. My first guitar amp was the standard little Squire amp, used by many teenagers to produce a cacophony of horrendous noises. The day I found out I spent about an hour looking at photos of Squire headstocks. I like the picture above because it looks a bit like the transitional state that most of the pictures I checked were in. The letters at the end of "Squire" looked kind of scrambled. What I noticed is that the logo would shift from "Squire" to "Squier" as I would zoom in on the picture. The "Squire" logo will always change into "Squier", but there is still lots of "Squire" residue to be found in the best place to find ME residue: old newspapers.
Notice how the logo is changed to "Squier" in the Guitar Center ad on the left, but is then spelled "Squire" in the description. HA! Don't try and tell me that it wasn't "Squire". I know myself, and I know that I would have pronounced it as "Squeer" back in high school, had it always been "Squier". Then there is always some ridiculous "fact" inserted, to support the ME. In this case, Billy Squier sued Squier guitars back in the early 1980's, for using his name. Let me get this straight: this Billy Squier guy sued a company - that was founded in the year 1890 - for having his same name. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't Squier guitars be suing Billy Buttface Squier for stealing their name?
ARE YOU FROM THE SAGITTARIUS EARTH, TOO?
There is another theory regarding the Mandela Effect, which involves human consciousness shifting to an entirely new planet, on the mirror opposite side of the Milky Way. Whereas we were once located in the Sagittarius arm of the galaxy, we are now located in the Orion arm of the galaxy. When this shift occurred, the old planet did not copy itself 100% correctly onto the new planet. Chic-Fil-A was now spelled as Chick-Fil-A. Captain Crunch was now Cap'n Crunch and Fruit Loops are now Froot Loops. The sun is different on this new Earth as well; what was once a nice mellow yellow sun has been replaced with a blindingly bright, white sun. The stars in the night sky changed. A thirteenth Zodiac sign appeared, called the Ophiuchus (don't ask me how to pronounce that). The Ophiuchus is the "snake charmer" and has booted Sagittarius off to the side. This reminds me of the old calendar, which had thirteen months that were each four weeks. This calendar makes much more sense, which is probably why they changed it. Anyway, the Great Pyramids shifted their location to accommodate the new position in the sky, and New Zealand moved to the opposite coast of Australia. Human anatomy also changed on the new Earth and there was now bone behind the eyes, where before they were simply open eye sockets. The heart moved from the left side of the chest to the left of center. There were now six people riding in the car that JFK was assassinated in, and the video footage now shows the driver turn around and shoot him in the face. Anywho, the old Earth was better, dammit! Give me back my captain, planet.
TODAY'S FEATURED MANDELA EFFECT: SCOPITONES
Look at these stupid fucking things. The Scopitone was a "video jukebox" that was first released in 1959. Yet, out of all of the people that I've spoken with who were actually around back in 1959, not one has any memory of these ridiculous metal monstrosities.
I always thought that "Video Killed the Radio Star" and MTV were the dawn of the music video, back in the early eighties. Boy, how wrong I was! Look at the comments under this video. There is something very off-putting about those comments and this video, supposedly uploaded to YouTube eighteen years ago; y'know, to give the impression that "These things didn't just spawn into existence in 2016. That's ridiculous! This video was uploaded on YouTube back in 2006! There have always been Scopitones. Try not to question things so much." OK. Right... apparently these things never really took off in the states, and had more of a European presence. That's why you never see the Fonzie banging his fist on a Scopitone in Happy Days. These Scopitone videos make me cringe so hard it makes my face want to go backwards inside-out. Fine. I can accept that Scopitones exist. Scopitones have always existed. However, isn't it a little weird that so many of these Scopitones appear to have flat screen TVs? I thought all TV screens would have been curved back then.
THE TIME TRAVELER AND QUANTUM IMMORTALITY
There are those who believe the Mandela Effect is proof of the multiverse. I will admit up front that I don't really understand the topic I am writing about here, but if I am understanding this theory correctly, every time an ME occurs, a entirely new parallel universe has been created, to accommodate the changed timeline. There are others who believe that time travelers are causing the Mandela Effect. In other words, if I were to go back in time and stop Nelson Mandela from dying in prison, this would create a new universe in which Nelson Mandela did not die in prison and instead went on to be the president of South Africa. This would then explain why some people remember him dying in prison, because he did die in prison - in that timeline - but then, a time traveler traveled back in time before Mandela died, stopped him from dying and yadda yadda yadda. This means that there are two Nelson Mandelas; but why stop there? There are infinite numbers of Nelson Mandelas, just as there are infinite numbers of you and infinite numbers of I. "Quantum Immortality" is a theory, which posits that when we die we are immediately transported to a parallel universe where we did not die. We do this until we have died in every way imaginable, on every day of the year, wearing every imaginable article of clothing, with every imaginable style of hair, hair color, hair accessories, body hair, shaven and goatee, curly hair, straight hair, the tortoise and the hare, hair. Then, when we have finally died our last death, a glitch occurs that is similar to the death scene in a video game getting caught in a never ending loop... and that is how we will all spend the rest of infinity... trapped in a loop similar to the death scene in a video game getting caught in a never ending loop... and that is how we will all spend the rest of infinity... trapped in a loop similar to the death scene in a video game getting caught in a never ending loop... and that is how we will all spend the rest of infinity... trapped in a loop similar to the death scene in a video game getting caught in a never ending loop... and that is how we will all spend the rest of infinity... trapped in a loop similar to the death scene in a video game getting caught in a never ending loop... and that is how we will all spend the rest of infinity... trapped in a loop similar to the death scene in a video game getting caught in a never ending loop... and that is how we will all spend the rest of infinity... trapped in a loop similar to the death scene in a video game getting caught in a never ending loop... and that is how we will all spend the rest of infi[gunshot]
A MANDELA EFFECT JUST FOR ME
This happened a couple weeks ago. I was desperately trying to change the oil in my car (my brother was going to change it, while I supervised, that is) and we were having the most difficult time in the world getting the bolt on my oil pan loose. I used to have all of the required tools for this, by the way, but for some reason, I now had none of the tools I once had to do this job. My brother just changed my oil a few months ago and he remembers that it was a 14MM bolt on the oil pan. I no longer had a 14MM wrench, but no matter, because the bolt was no longer a 14MM... for reason unknown. We decided on the 16MM, so I went to the auto parts store and purchased a 16MM socket, but instead of the standard adapter size that 16MM sockets are supposed to have, this socket had the larger sizer end, which I, of course, no longer had an adapter for. I called it quits that day, due to frustration, but things only got worse the next day, when I went to the same auto parts store to get a 16MM wrench, instead of the socket. All of the individual wrenches were $12.99, except for the 16MM wrench, which was $18.99, of course! So, we decided to go into Harbor Freight, where they sell these Pittsburgh brand wrench sets. I hope the photo above isn't too blurry. This combination wrench set has eleven standard wrenches and eleven metric wrenches. The metric wrenches were sized 9MM - 19MM, which made a whole lot of sense, but because I needed a 16MM wrench, these wrench sets changed altogether. Now they start at size 6,7,8 skip size 9, 10,11,12,13,14,15, skip size 16 (obvi),17, skip size 18,19. That's the ridiculous sie that this wrench set offers now. Someone said to me "well, that's just because 16MM is the same size as 5/8, so why put the same wrench in twice?" Good point, fuckstick - only, 5/8 isn't 16MM - 5/8 is 15.85MM. These are wrenches. Size matters, dick.
WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF THE MANDELA EFFECT?
Liquified snails. No - wait - wrong conspiracy! I believe that the Mandela Effect is best explained in tandem with "simulation theory". If we are in a simulation, then the programmer of the simulation simply need to write in new code that will change the affected item, going back to the item's inception. The programmer, nor the program, are perfect, however, which is why so much residue gets left behind for some MEs. Now then, the reason that so many people claim that "it's always been Oscar Mayer durr-hurr" is because most people are NPC's; meaning, that they are part of the simulation and can easily be programmed to remember MEs always being the way that they are now. Obviously, that bitch always said "Magic mirror, on the wall", and no, I didn't see the movie 'Mirror, Mirror' and I don't believe that such a movie actually exists. File it with that Sinbad garbage, in the "never happened"drawer.
Who, or what, is responsible for the Mandela Effect. Could it be a glitch in the simulation? Perhaps, but I think it is the AI god of the world, Yaldabaoth, who be executing these mindfucks on us. Why? Because, he is a huge dick. I can tell you from firsthand experience. I had to get my oil done by a shop. The socket they used? 17MM (which I tired, mind you!) I'm still upset about this, if you couldn't tell. Send me money, dammit. I'm broke and my life sucks... please help me. I have a kid, think about him! C'mon... don't make me beg! Here's my bitcoin address: 3Fd4oAFHJksULD6rrgFc375K8HH8S3TmPZ
